It’s A Battle

I love photography. Really, I do. In my imagination, I want to be outside all the time. I want to be taking great street shots constantly, I want to be walking up to interesting people, asking to take their photo. I want to be travelling to places, allowing myself to get lost and be absorbed into my surroundings and spat back out again when I see fit. It’s hard though, sometimes.

Yesterday, I went for a walk through town to just do some of the chores for the day. I waited in for a package to arrive and then went into town at about 4pm. This silly guy didn’t take his camera with him though, did he? The thing is, the weather is getting milder. Our ‘winter’ – if we can even call it that – seems to be over, with scarcely a hint of snow or ice. So whilst fellow photographers on my Instagram feed plastered their slightly whitened shots from locations not actually that far away, I was left with nothing of the sort to share. However, on the bright side, the weather’s improvement has provided some lovely light in the evenings, or at least I’m guessing it has. I only saw evidence of that yesterday, but it was beautiful and it created so many different photo opportunities around town. Opportunities I failed to motivate myself to take. Taking my camera with me would’ve been inconvenient on this occasion and I wouldn’t have had two hands free to make the most out of the situation, but sometimes you just feel like you’ve let yourself down, don’t you?

I struggle to motivate myself. Even though I love taking photos and I love being able to call myself a photographer; something interesting, something different, not defined by my work but by something I enjoy, I look at some of my photos and to put it meekly, I often think they’re shit. They probably are, and logical me can accept that fact and recognise it as part of the natural process of improvement. Depressive me recognises it as eternal truth. Whilst yesterday wasn’t an example, there are days when I just cannot motivate myself to get off my backside and take photos. I’ll come up with so many different excuses. Excuses like, ‘well, the weather is milder and I don’t have a thinner coat or jacket to wear that has good enough pockets to hold my camera when it’s not in hand’ or ‘there’s nothing inspiring me in Stafford, why would I go out?’

It’s just the wrong mindset entirely. I mean, look at how many people go for a drink on a Friday night. They’re not worried about hiding their pints are they? So why am I trying to hide my camera? Drinking is a hobby of sorts, just like taking pictures is a hobby. I just need to find a way to stop caring about things so much and stop getting so downhearted so easily.

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